wVuarnet's Blog
The man. The writer. The deadbeat. The Pink Floyd fan. The Dungeon Master. Cat owner. And much, much more.


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wFriday, September 27, 2002


Wicked Game. Chris Isaak's lyrics are really touching something deep inside me tonight. What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way, what a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you. You know, I'm getting used to the idea that love and happiness rarely go hand in hand. The world is just filled with stories of broken hearts, betrayals, and jealousy. So I wonder, what's the point then? Why should I open my heart to someone else, and risk losing the precious little fragments of sanity that I still have left, just to take a wild chance by trusting that this other person will not hurt me? I honestly have no idea. Solitude and loneliness are awful, I know, but at least you know what you're dealing with. Which is more than you can say for love.


What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way. Sometimes we hurt the people we love, when we do things to avoid hurting them. Oh sweet irony. But then, everything looks so obvious when you're looking backward, but life's supposed to be lived forwards.


It's 2 AM. Being awake at 2, 3 AM in the city is something extraordinary, when you stop to think about it. But only on weekdays, not during the weekends. Everything is so quiet, and sounds seem to travel farther. And still, in a city with over 2 million inhabitants, there's no such thing as a quiet night. Sirens in the distance, the roaring engines of people driving carelessly fast in the empty streets, dogs barking, train whistles... there's always something to hear. And you can feel the life of the city itself, even if it's asleep. There's nothing like looking at the city at night from a high place, lookout point, a hill, anything. A sea of lights stretching all the way to the horizon. It's kind of scary when you think about all the resources it takes to sustain so many people.


I've often wondered what it would be like to live in a small farming town, in the middle of nowhere. You know, to have your nearest neighbor live a few miles from your home. To step outside at night, turn off your lights, and see nothing but darkness in the land, and a million stars over your head, instead of the measly 50 or so stars you can see through the smog of this city. To be in the middle of a thunderstorm in the summer, with rain falling all around your home. Wake up at dawn and see the sun rising above the mountains in the horizon, with great pinkish clouds floating in the purple dawn sky.


But i've always been a city person. I just need to be surrounded with people, even if i'm a loner myself. I know it's quite a contradiction, but in the words of Walt Whitman, I'm large. I contain multitudes. And no, I'm not familiar with the works of Mr. Whitman, but I've heard that phrase several times and, you know, it makes sense.

posted by Luis at 2:52 AM


wWednesday, September 25, 2002


The salmon of doubt. I went to McAllen this monday. Got me some new clothes, candy (one of my main weaknesses) and several books. ASP Programming for complete idiots (not it's actual name, of course) I hope it's good. I have to admit that, sadly, I do not know everything there is to know about systems programming. As a matter of fact, I haven't coded in a good while, and I'm beginning to think that my coding 5k3311z are a little bit rusty by now. But I'm still smart, I guess, so it shouldn't be too hard to learn how to code ASPs. I know VB, I know a bit of VBScript, so i'm like 50% there. All I need now is to practice a bit, and I'll have another line to add to my pathetic Curriculum Vitae.


All you need is love. Ups. Downs. Ups. Downs. Twisting sideways for a while, up again, down again, lather, rinse, repeat.

posted by Luis at 9:54 PM


wTuesday, September 24, 2002


Hmmpf. I want some shrimp, dammit!

posted by Luis at 1:57 PM


wSunday, September 22, 2002


Deep down, we're all... underground. Have you ever had that feeling that you're so down you're sure to hit bottom any second now, and the time passes, and you continue to drown deeper and deeper, and then when you think you can't fall any lower you keep on falling some more, and then you stop and look around and see you're so under the surface that there's only blackness, and when you say "ok, things can't get any worse than this" you get a sick feeling in your stomach when you realize you've landed in quicksand, which is sucking you and your pitiful, meaningless existence out of this doomed world? No?

Guess it's just me, then.



And, suddenly, i'm incredibly bored. The next season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer hasn't started yet. I'm dying to see what they come up with. Dawn's at school, Spike's got a soul now, and Buffy... well I assume she's still kicking ass and taking names, as usual. Firefly has just premiered in the States, and in a couple of months it will be shown here in Mexico, too. Enterprise looks ok so far, but then I have only seen like 5 episodes so far, ditto with Andromeda.


Random thoughts of un-important inconsequence. I like shrimp!


posted by Luis at 5:45 PM


wSaturday, September 21, 2002


Hi, Ale. She asked me to mention her on this journal, so there ya go.


I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover, and I'm a sinner... I play my music in the Sun. In case y'all wondering what that's all about, those are parts of the lyrics to The Steve Miller Band's "The Joker". I'm in the right mood for creating something new, even if I'm feeling a little sick (shouldn't have had that shot of vodka without eating something first). So here's something I wrote, right out of the blue (no pun intended). Now all I need is a singer, a manager, and some tacos.




The day when you awake, and then the clouds just disappear

you feel like you're in Heaven, and that happiness is near,

and dewdrops fill the view, like a hundred million jewels,

you realize, Looove is just for fools.


She sneaks into your dreams, and she waltzes in your mind,

you both know you're two soulmates, with your feelings all entwined,

and when you're acting crazy and you're breaking all the rules,

you realize, Looove is just for fools.


Guitar solo


She walks over your feelings, and she rips your soul apart,

she claws into your being and she takes your aching heart,

And when you're still in love with her, even when you know she's cruel,

you realize, Looove is just for fools.




Man, I suck at writing songs.

posted by Luis at 9:05 PM


w


1:30 PM, Saturday afternoon. It's never too early for a shot of vodka.

posted by Luis at 2:29 PM


w


It can't rain all the time. The stormy weather has gone away... for now. The sun has been shining since yesterday, and I should really get out and do something to enjoy it, considering that there's a hurricane coming into the Gulf of Mexico, and that usually means more rains within the week.


On more rainy subjects, that relationship thingie I've been blabbing about has officially died. It hit a major iceberg and sunk, just like that. I hear they're still looking for survivors. I'm not going to stand there like a Royal Guard waiting until she makes up her mind, so I told her the deal was off. Painful, yes, but in the long run it was for the best. Damn this stupid loving feelings.


Someone will pay for the troubles i'm getting into.

posted by Luis at 10:24 AM


wThursday, September 19, 2002


Double your pleasure, double your fun. Wow, two posts in one day, that's a record for this blog. I was doing some reading, I'm halfway through Friedrich Nietzsche's "Also sprach Zarathustra", which I haven't continued reading since 2 years ago, and I found some underlined parts which I wanted to share. So here they are. Note: they're in english, translated from the spanish translation of the german book, so they may be a little bit wrong, but who cares!

  • "Punishment", that's how revenge calls itself.
  • Helpless regarding all that has been done, Will is an evil watcher of all that's been. Will cannot work into the past.
  • I know you are capable of all evils, and that is why I demand Good from you.
  • All that lives has a part of obedience. You rule those that cant obey themselves. Ruling is harder than obeying.
  • It's night. All the songs of all the lovers awake. My soul is a lover's song too.
  • If a friend does you wrong, tell him: I forgive you for what you've done to me; but what you've done to yourself, how could I forgive?.

Pretty heavy stuff. More to come later.

posted by Luis at 2:26 PM


w


Chase your dreams, baby. I'm listening to Fase's "Tania" (no link - check your Kazaa or AudioGalaxy for the MP3), a neat drum'n'base that sounds a little bit euro-housy, but with a sweet melodical spanish voice. Porque maƱana, nada cambia, si no cambias, que el pasado es recuerdo y no cambia. Wise words. A bit redundant, aye, but wise nevertheless.

Love sucks. It's been said a billion times, ever since the first Neanderthal died in the claws of a saber-tooth tiger, defending his Neanderthal mate and his offspring. It's in the genes, some say. It's in our brain, other people say. It's in our heart, philosophers say, which is why people never listen to them. It's actually in the liver, the ancient greek wisemen declared, but who wants to listen to a bunch of old weirdos in togas anyway? I think it's just a sample of God's twisted sense of humor.

It's day 4 on my latest relationship. Or almost relationship. I'm still being pondered over. The suspense is killing me, obviously. It's really not a funny thing to be left in this kind of limbo, but hey, it's all for the best, right? I'm trying to convince myself that it's all going to work, and i'm pretty sure i've got a big chance at making this thing work. Let's wait and pray.

But I need tacos! I need them or I will explode! That happens to me sometimes... Invader Zim is sooo funny. In a dark and twisted way, of course. What else can you expect from an alien invader trying to conquer the world with a psychotic robot sidekick with a malfunctioning brain, an elementary school with the scariest teacher since the one in Pink Floyd's "The wall", and a boy genius with a mad scientist for a father, who looks like a young Fox Mulder researching paranormal phenomena. I gotta say, there's a lot of subtext in that cartoon.

posted by Luis at 11:12 AM


wTuesday, September 17, 2002


I've been worrying sometime now about the whole Iraq-US thing going on. I wonder if the American public notice the way their country has been playing foul in the Middle East, all these years, or if they simply can't see it or, worse enough, don't want to see it. Same difference, since Bush is in control anyway. But enough about that. On to cheerier issues.


I saw two movies this weekend. M Night Shyamalan's "Signs" (Unofficial website here) and Cristophe Gans' "Pact of the Wolves" (Spanish site here). Hmm, I didn't know Mark Dacascos did french movies. He starred in that great movie (IMHO) "Crying Freeman", and later on the TV show The Crow. One of the actresses is going to appear in Matrix:Reloaded. I didn't know that.


"Signs" is doing incredibly well in the US right now, I think it's because it's a masterpiece of suspense, and right now there's a lot of tension in the air. I guess it's one of those movies which are good on their own, but are great because of the timing.


On a more personal level, I'm having one of those "should I, should I not" kinda moods. You know, when you've got one issue at hand and you see the pros and cons and you analyze it from every angle until all those angles start to blur, and you can't seem to remember just why you started doing that. And so, where do you end? Exactly in the same place you started from, and with just so much information that it all balances out and doesn't help you to make a decision. Heh, just like system consulting, I guess.


Enough. I need to clear my mind. More to come later.

posted by Luis at 10:07 AM


wWednesday, September 11, 2002


Woops. A whole month gone by, and me with nothing interesting to write about. Which isn't completely true... matter of fact, I've been too lazy to write here at all. But what the hell, i'm bored, a little giddy, and there's just so many Freecell games you can play before your brain starts to see everything in red and black. So.

So, so, so. Went to a really nice wedding last Saturday, with one of my best friends. We danced all night long, from 10 o'clock 'til 5 AM, then we went out driving for a while, and we ended up in a park talking while waiting for the dawn to come. It took too long so we got bored and decided to call it a night. Man, that night was so special. It was one of those nights that you wish you could somehow remember for the rest of your life. Damn it, I was happy. I hadn't been like that in years, literally. It's not fair, to have such a perfect day knowing it's going to be a loooong time before you feel as good, if it ever happens. Still, a man can dream, can't he?

Speaking of dreams, I'm off to read a book or go to bed, whatever happens first.

posted by Luis at 1:57 AM